The Election

"The Queen has kindly agreed to the dissolution of parliament and a general election will take place on May 6th."

These words were the political pistol shot which officially announced the start of the race, a race between the three largest parties in the country to convince us common folk that they should be in charge. A week ago the race for public support seemed intense but now that the date for the election has been announced, things seem to have gone into overdrive.

I'm not going to shower you with my opinion of who should be running the country because, firstly, you probably don't care what I think, but most importantly, I think that the political system is messed up. Let me explain. Democracy is when several parties put forward what they think is the bast way to run the country and then the people decide which of these ideals and strategies is best for the nation. However, looking at the news, campaign leaflets and adverts, all I can see are political parties who change their policies to gain support and win the election. It's a competition now instead of being a selection. Each party is looking out for itself by picking and choosing what will get them support, instead of what is truly best for the country. Take national insurance for example. Labour announce that to help claw back some of the crippling debt we've accumulated they will raise national insurance. In response to this the Tories say they'll half it, immediately gaining the support of dozens of businesses who don't want to see the higher insurance. Every time they're asked how they'll plug the £6 billion gap left from cutting the insurance they don't have an answer.

All I'm saying is that if you're reading this and have no idea (like many people) who to vote for look beyond promises said in the last couple of months. Wipe away the campaign slogans, the flashy smiles or pictures of the leaders cycling to work. Look at the lifeblood and history of what the party stands for before making a decision.

When the race comes to a close it'll probably be a photo finish but lets hope that when the results come in the winner will be able to keep running after the finish line and not just collapse on the track.

What Does it Take to Be British?

If you're foreign and you decide you want to make Britain your home, I mean.

Well, in my view, not a lot, actually. I have not lived here all my life. I was born outside the UK to parents of Anglo-Welsh origin, which means that when we came to live here, very little cultural adjustment was necessary.
There isn't lot of room left on this crowded little island (one of the reasons, along with the appalling climate, that I wonder why we appeal so much to immigrants). But I honestly will welcome anyone who abides by these two conditions:

1. You are willing to work reasonably hard and to abide by our laws (and not find loop-holes in them).
2. You do not shy away from integration.

Let me discuss the last point. I don't mean by that that you have to fully abandon the culture of the country you left, but I would recommend putting aside elements of it that are not compatible with our culture. Let's say, for example, in your culture, a rite of passage for children is ripping out every hair on their head individually. You must desist in this practice when you come to Britain because we would view it as child cruelty. You must also be willing to mix with indigenous Britons and all the minorities that exist here.
It is a two-way thing. We in your adopted homeland (people who were born British and people who chose to be British) have duties towards you, such as protecting you from racist attacks*, but you must not come here expecting special allowances of any kind.

*I mean genuine racism, not just criticism.

And Now For Something Topical...

The date today, as many of you should have noticed by now, is April 1st- otherwise known as April Fools Day. Now, being an advocate of this celebratory day- one of the few remaining uncommercialised by themed cards and gift wrap- I followed in the annual tradition of tricking people and playing immature jokes. As a Brit, I had only until noon to get this mischievous day out of my system. However, it’s the Easter holidays and I didn’t wake up until somewhere around ten (a time which, for many, is still considered too early) leaving myself only two hours. So many fools, so little time.

With such a short amount of time to hand, what is the best trick one can play in order to fully utilise the day? Many websites and newspapers will publish false stories, and many of them will be believed because people are so predisposed to believing certain sources. Many people simply forget about the existence of April Fools Day altogether, one of the many reasons the general populace are easy to fool, if only for a second.

Having flicked through a copy of today’s Independent, I noted two April Fools jokes within the opening eight pages or so and both of these were in advertisements. The first was attempting to sell new MiracleShirts™, a shirt for men which utilised G.U.F.F technology to eliminate body odour. The second was from BMW, proposing that BMW owners should buy new badges for their cars in either red, yellow or blue to display their support for a chosen political party- this isn’t the first time I’ve seen a false advert from BMW on April 1st and for that I commend them (but not those that emailed uwe.benhadde@bmw looking to buy one of these badges. These people truly are fools).

Whatever fake products these adverts were promoting (and a part of me questions the ethics and liability of false advertising in these cases), we still get a clear idea of the easiest method of fooling people:

Tell people things that they want to hear.

Yes, it’s basic and may be construed as cruel to get peoples’ hopes up only to cut them down with a jubilant ‘APRIL FOOLS!’, but it gets the job done. People are only too ready to believe the things that they wish to be true.

I took a similar approach myself. For example, I told a few friends that school would remain closed a few days after the intended finish date of the Easter holidays due to a leak creating water damage which would need the extra time to be safely dealt with. It wasn’t particularly funny for anyone other than myself, if only to hear people’s reactions when I pointed out that I had, in effect, lied to them. I’d say about roughly 90% of people I told this to believed me and so I was quick to correct my own misleading ways- had that rumour spread it could’ve been a hazard; if amusing.

April Fools isn’t about making people look foolish, it’s about encouraging people to laugh at themselves and even, in some ways, to become more wary of what they encounter in the media. It’s like a yearly lesson in how not be gullible in a world saturated by media gossip and rumours. You’ve got to be shrewd about what you take in and not just accept everything at a face value, even if sometimes the unbelievable turns out to be what should be believed (as demonstrated here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/8598637.stm).

Only the paranoid minority will ever remain vigilant on this day of childish pranks and mild hilarity. Only the brave few will ever pull proper, newsworthy stunts and for that, I salute them. I’d rather not get arrested. However, I think this day does remind us something- not to be wary of this one day a year, but to always be cautious of believing what you want to be real. There lies an inescapable danger in life, and we can all be made fools of twenty-four hours a day, three hundred and fifty six days a year. So learn to laugh at yourself and not to take everything too seriously and you should be fine, though beware the Pucks among the pigeons-

‘Lord, what fools these mortals be!’